I am getting nervous

My surgery is officially one week away and I am freaking myself out. I keep thinking about the what if's. I know that Dr. Gorospe is one of the best out there, but I am still freaking myself out. What if I never get to see my nephew again? I love that kid so much. He is so darn cute and says the silliest things. It's been so great to be a part of his life and help raise him. I am not saying I personally helped, but with Rob (my brother, and Rayus's father), and my Mom we have tried to raise Rayus as best we can. He is only 4, but I can see that he has so much promise. Besides my husband, Rayus is the most important man in my life.

I also think about my husband. He has insecure moments and I worry that if the surgery is successful, and I do get skinny, that he will always be wondering if I am running around on him. I don't think he understands that I love him. No one can change that. Not to mention Michael fell in love with me when I was fat, so I know that he wasn't with me just because I was hot. lol But I am pretty damn cute for a fat girl.

I think I am getting so nervous about everything because I have never had surgery before, so I am sure I am making it much worse than it really is. I think I will feel much better after I go to the support group meeting Monday night. My Mom is going with me as well.

My friends have all been so great through all of this. They are all supportive and are my cheerleaders. My friend Bobbi says she will be there when I wake up and she wants to document this whole process, the good, the bad and the nasty. That should be fun..or not.

I have heard people say they couldn't wipe their butt after the surgery and this worries me. I will not let my husband wipe my butt, sorry I can't do it. So I have been working on wiping my but without twisting at all, so far I am not sure I will be able to do it, but I am still working on it. I have short arms, so I might have to just use a wooden spoon and some wetone's or something. (sorry for the grossness kids, but hey it's a part of the surgery)