You know it's weird, when I was heavy I never realized how freakin' huge I was, but now that I am losing weight I am so aware of my size. You would think with me losing 128 pounds I would feel better about myself, but I don't really. For a while there I was trying to blame my unhappiness on my marriage, but it's not Mike's fault at all, it's all mine. Something is seriously wrong with me. I want to lose all this weight but I won't get my fat butt off of the couch and do some exercise. I really need to though, and I know that, I just can't get motivated. I think that's why I have been so depressed lately. Next month I will be a year out. At a year out I thought I would be at my goal weight, but not so much. I am hoping to lose at least 50 more pounds but that's going to be the toughest 50 pounds to get off. I am going to have to exercise and eat right and that sucks! I think me getting skinner is causing me to get depressed. It's like when I was heavy people didn't expect anything from me and they all thought I was a total loser, now they expect more from me. In turn, I am starting to expect more from me. This is all so odd for me. I have never before in my life been depressed so it's a weird feeling for me and I am not quite sure how to shake it. I am hoping I can work through it, but if not I may need to see counseling. I am not super depressed like the people who think about killing themselves or anything, but I am a little down. sorry I had to get it off of my chest.
